Living Love Books

Chapter 1


The Heart of Tantric Sex
A Unique guide to Love and Sexual Fulfilment

by Diana Richardson

Reframing Sex

Everyone is interested in sex.
It is the one subject that has continued to be of undying fascination, if not obsession, throughout the millennia.
You can immediately tell when sex is the focus of a conversation; heads huddle closely together and there is a hushed intensity, an almost thickening of the air.
Conversely, when people are afraid to talk about sex or ashamed of sex, and it's “animal” nature, there can be a palpable feeling of separation, a screen of isolation and tension surrounding them.
The fact remains that whether sex is being discussed or ignored, repressed or expressed, enjoyed or endured, it is the single most significant aspect of our lives.
Sex is always happening in the mind; it forms the central theme of our thoughts and daydreams.
In truth, the whole of life pivots around sex.
It is part of our atomic chemistry, as each sentient creature on this planet was created in sex, from the union of the male and female cells.
The recognition of this begins early in childhood when we naturally fondle our genitals with innocent comforting delight, and our sexuality accompanies us throughout our lives in various stages of development and expression.
It is the source of a great deal of pain and pleasure, of comfort and discomfort.
It often determines our happiness and unhappiness, our ecstasies and our agonies.
The simple act of painting our toenails or lips and the splashing on of perfume and aftershave, are steps towards attracting sex.
This is highly obvious in today's world where we are constantly saturated with sexual ../../images, words, flashes and films.
The media uses sex to advertise, to disgrace, to scandalize, and people use it to control, to entice, to abuse and abandon.
Our obsession with fashion and appearance revolves around sex and being viewed by someone as attractive gives us vitality and confidence, even if we, in turn, don't find that person particularly attractive.
When desire is mutually shared, then we see the possibility of love, and this fills us with joy.
It is what each of us truly longs for.
To love and to be loved.
Nothing can take its place!
And when we love someone, sex becomes an ongoing thread of communication.
Sex can also be the cause of miscommunication, of arguments, violence, confusion, discontent and restlessness.
I've heard it said that men think about sex every three minutes; women think about it every six to seven minutes.
Whatever the real statistics, the fact remains that we as human beings are in an ongoing relationship with sex, whether we like it or not.
Sexual energy and the life force.
There is simply no way of containing the sex energy; it is the life force itself.
Even though in our minds we often try and make a separation between sexual energy and “other” energy, the truth is that it is all one and the same thing.
Energy is simply energy, with an inherent capacity to move, and it moves whether the life force expresses itself through sex or survival, in art, athletics or acrobatics.
And try as we might, we cannot repress or ignore this energy, we can only learn to channel it in the most intelligent and uplifting ways.
As prevalent as sex is, it is a rare person who has discovered a way to derive full satisfaction or a loving heart from its practice.
In inquiring into the phenomenon of orgasm, modern research reveals the sobering findings that an average sexually active person experiences orgasmic ecstasy for twenty seconds a week, 90 seconds a month, and thus eighteen minutes a year.
And this is based on an average orgasm lasting 10 seconds.
Even ten seconds can sound to be quite an achievement!
So in fifty years of sexual activity we have the privilege of experiencing orgasmic ecstasy for about fifteen hours in total.
Which is astonishing (and distressing) when you consider how many times you make love in your life, and how much additional time is spent dreaming about it and agonizing over it!
It is obvious that love and sex are not in a satisfactory state for most of us.
Sex is not the orgasmic, innocent, spiritual force it is meant to be, transporting us into a world of love and true passion.
It does not deeply fulfill us, giving us the strength to face each day with enthusiasm, nor does it have the power to take us beyond the pressures or limitations of our day to day life.
Sexual problems between men and women are common, if not rife, such as sexual abuse, frigidity, ambivalence, premature ejaculation, impotence, sexual dis-interest.
Sex and intelligence In order to reverse this, and find the profundity of sexual satisfaction we seek, we must begin to bring intelligence into our view of sex.
We have to start looking at it within a new framework, see it from a different perspective, beyond that of reproduction or immediate physical pleasure and gratification.
Beyond that of considering sex to be a compulsive animal urge which we have to appease.
This new picture will give fresh insights into sexual energy, how it best responds, and how to utilize sex as an ongoing creation of love between man and woman.
And the good news is that sex is an extremely healthy empowering force which we can enjoy and use to our great benefit.
Sex in its highest form has an element of the divine in it.
It brings you to “here”, to the divinity of the present moment where you feel gloriously at ease, unified with existence.
Everything rests perfectly in place.
It is an orgasmic biological ecstasy which arises out of the dynamic interplay of opposite forces, and which is food for the spirit.
Sadly, many people of religion hold the opinion that sex is a distraction on the path to God.
Avoid sex at all costs, some of us have been taught, even if you spend your nights dreaming restlessly about it and your days obsessively thinking about it.
This is a great misunderstanding and an aching loss to humanity.
If sex is limited to reproduction and gratification, and ignores its subtle spiritual function, it dissipates life energy, disturbing mind, body and spirit.
Alternatively, with Tantra, the cosmic balancing of male and female energies, yin and yang, positive and negative, dynamic and receptive, we can introduce love and spirit in our lives, within and without, and learn to live beyond the limitations of simple biology.
We are offered the opportunity to return to our nature, as men and women, and to find the spiritual language of love through the physical act of making love.
It is a different picture of sex to the one we inherited from our uninformed society.
Until then, it is as though we have been looking at sex through a pair of misty spectacles.
Tantra gives us new insights and a completely different vision of sex and its function.
Phases of sexual energy In human beings the sexual energy is understood to run in a circular path, along internal channels, through the body, with two distinct phases.
The first phase, and initial impetus of sex energy begins in the brain, before circling downward to the genitals.
More specifically, the hypothalamic-pituitary region and the pineal gland in the brain secretes hormones, which control the important endocrine system in the body, and these include the sexual glands.
These hormones maintain sexual well-being and promote the eventual readiness for sexual intercourse.
This is the first and descending half of the circle from the brain to the genitals.
It is known as the biological or reproductive phase of the sex energy.
And it is here that we invariably release the sexual energy created in sex, through orgasm or ejaculation.
The secret of Tantra, and its prime interest, is that the sex energy is encouraged to be retained in the body.
It is not habitually released in orgasm or ejaculation.
It remains within the body and is re-circulated, and through this we fulfill our orgasmic potential.
In this the second half and ascending phase, the sex energy is given the opportunity to circulate back to it's source in the brain, so as to revitalize and nourish the “master” glands (pineal and pituitary) of the body.
These glands are so called because of their profound influence on health.
Sexual activity is known to release many hormonal factors which positively affect body and attitude, and sex since ancient times has been associated with longevity and spiritual illumination.
When the sex energy is able to be re-absorbed, recycled as it were, sex becomes a revitalizing energizing force.
This is therefore known as the spiritual or generative phase of sex, and here the genitals are viewed reverently as generative organs.
Accessing this second phase of the sexual energy, by allowing it to turn inward and upward, is the revelation of Tantra.
It shows us that sex can be directed to create more life, not simply another life.
This spiritual phase of the sex energy arises as man and woman learn to relax together during sexual union.
This is contrary to the popular experience of sex as effort, an activity involving tensions and pressures.
We believe that the more we do in sex, the more will happen, and the greater the reward.
We hardly think of taking it easy! But this is upside down.
What we don't realize is that genuine sexual ecstasy goes hand in hand with physical relaxation.
The more we relax, the more we feel.
In fact, ecstasy and tension are diametrically opposed; tension creates heat and restlessness while ecstasy arises from a coolness and an inner peace.
Tension narrows and contracts, while relaxation opens and expands.
Tension creates a peak, while relaxation creates a valley.
Tension forces a release, while relaxation allows absorption.
Thus relaxation is the whole ambiance of Tantra.
It says that when we relax down into the sexual energy, instead of building it up to a peak and then releasing it, the outcome will be more life energy and more love.
In re-directing the sexual energy through relaxation, it is enabled to turn inward and upward, where it is automatically re-absorbed by the body, and recycled on a higher plane.
Tantra describes this step as being one of placing your foot on the first step of the inner ladder of growth.
In time, a neglected energy pathway forges its way open in the core of the body, which is experienced from the genitals upward, as a streaming electro-magnetic current, a glorious golden light phenomenon.
When we encourage the spiritual phase of sex instead of obstructing it, as we do in our ignorance, lovemaking becomes sacred experience filled with wonder.


  • Sexual energy is the life force itself running through us all
  • By balancing our male and female energies we can enjoy a healthy, empowering sexual relationship
  • We can direct sexual energy in the usual way by orgasm or we can redirect it to give us more energy, more love
  • Thus transforming sex creatively into a truly uplifting experience





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