|Tantric Love Letters
On Sex & Affairs of the Heart
1. The combination of love and spirituality is really fulfilling
My partner and I met you and Michael during a retreat at the beginning of 2010. What we received from you both gives us the opportunity to live together in a way I have always been dreaming of. I had no clue about the concept and no clue what I would have to change as a man, but I often felt the essence of inner life would be possible for us, and that was the ‘vision’ that led me to your concept and your retreat. It is not a linear development – neither as a couple nor as an individual – but we feel that the path we are following is an outstanding and delightful one. Your concept is like the dot on the ‘i’ of all that I have experienced so far. We see now how traditional sexuality has been limited and in the end how problematic it is, in many ways. Whereas spirituality without our loving sexuality is just not the right way for me – but the combination of love and spirituality is really fulfilling for both of us. The healing path between the two of us based on your concept creates something wonderful in us. Something that is very difficult or even not possible to develop on a pure individual path. It is the honor of a couple.
2. Shown me a way of light through life
I’m sure you receive millions of e-mails written to you and your partner Michael, just to thank you for your amazing and incomparable support to human beings who would like to make their lives full of love and meditation. I cannot resist doing the same because you have really improved the quality of my life and shown me a way of light through my life. So, thanks so much, guys, I will always keep you in my heart.
We really appreciate receiving your warm and enthusiastic message and thank you for taking the time to connect with us. It is very encouraging to hear that our approach, as shared in our books, is of help and support in your life and love. What is especially touching is that you have had the capacity to turn words into reality through your sincerity and intelligence, and for this we are very grateful. Each individual who moves into sex in a more conscious way is doing great healing for our beloved Earth. Wish you much love and light on your journey.
3. I am tantra!
You may get a lot of e-mails like the one I am about to write, however, my passion propels me to write it anyway. I read your book The Heart of Tantric Sex and experienced the beginning of tantra with my boyfriend at the time. The doors opened and I know tantra is the path for me. In fact, this sounds strange for me to say, I simply am tantra would be more true!
Thank you so much for writing to me. It is truly wonderful to hear of your resonance and the insight that you are tantra is deeply touching. Indeed such is the truth. Each individual is born tantric and it is a blessing and a gift that you are able to recognize your essence. Best wishes to you each day.
4. Experiencing the intelligence of my penis
In December of 2007 I invited my longest standing (laying) erotic partner to read your book called The Heart of Tantric Sex. Our ‘love connection’ had been dead for over 20 years. No ecstatic experience left, dead, dead, dead. We naturally, effortlessly started following the instructions in the book, inspired and transported by something in it, something new, loving, some energy, wisdom emanating from its pages. Low and behold, we spent the next two weeks in 5 to 9 hour sessions reaching a state so beautiful I wanted to stay there forever. I had never understood why people called sex - ‘making love’. And here we were making, within ourselves and between us, a tangible love energy. My intelligent penis ‘knew’ when her vagina was open. It knew to stay cool, in that receptive state where it was guiding me, it knew when to penetrate and how, my heart would be in joy, my whole body would feel touched by her vagina, we would remain for hours in this glow, we would lose sense of time. A few times I felt her heart touching my penis from very deep in the vagina. She had not self-lubricated in decades; she had lost contact with the vagina, now it became alive. At some point she said, glowing in deep appreciation, love: “I feel like a woman for the first time in my life.” I am writing to you in gratitude about this life-awakening experience.
5. Changing our approach to sex has changed our lives
For the coming year we wish you and Michael all the best and lots of love. Furthermore, we would like to tell you about our rich experience since your retreat in June 2009. To have been able to take part in your retreat makes us feel deeply thankful.
I (Anna), at 52, now experience sexuality in a completely new way as a woman. Until then I could only intuitively sense what a fulfilling sexuality would feel like. Today I feel a tenderness and sensitivity in my husband that gives me a nourishing security in sexuality and also in my everyday life. I found the power to let go of my expectations completely and to make appointments for making love, to surrender completely to the present moment, to allow, to ‘let everything happen’ and to flow into the togetherness with my husband.
It’s getting ever clearer to me that the alert awareness of the present moment has helped me to be open and truly receive. I was able to discover this too because my husband has learned not to always ejaculate, and he does this by slowing down his movements. So he has developed a very fine feeling for the moment. Everything begins to feel as if it’s weaving into one divine body of golden light, a truly divine love!
To me it feels as if I am finally allowed to live. I am allowed to give love and I am also accepted as a loving being. I can feel how my husband can heal old patterns and ‘hardness’ in my vaginal tissue with his penis. My ‘rusted-up love’, that could never surface, is finally freed up and that in turn heals my husband’s old wounds and gives us power. It is very impressive to realize that if we ‘don’t have time’ to make love we fall back to old patterns, we lose patience more easily and we treat each other less gently and even argue.
I am so grateful to know you and through you be able to get to know love in a new way. With such love our ‘ill world’ could change – because loving people live in peace and care for their planet.
I, (Felix), a 54 years young man, had in the beginning a lot of resistance to let go of habitual ejaculation. Today I enjoy making love to my wife for 20-30 hours in a period of 3-4 weeks without ejaculating. I have learned to be fine and tender and to feel my penis very consciously so as not to ejaculate. This is exactly what fulfills my wife. And this fine consciousness has also had an effect on how I treat her in everyday life. We hardly argue anymore. She feels accepted and loved, she blossoms and she has become my beautiful, tender fairy.
I am also surprised by an incredible power and harmony that I feel in my body. I can feel this, for example, while playing tennis. You would think I am 20 years younger. I also I would not want to miss the repeatedly returning wonderful feelings around and in my perineum and the knowledge that I can unite with my wife again and again. This gives an incredible feeling of belonging together. I feel that she likes to receive me because I treat her well (and myself as well) and not only meet her in order to live out my urge to ejaculate.
At last I want to congratulate you and Michael on your new men’s book – Tantric Sex for Men. The numerous reports of personal experiences were above all very impressive and convincing. I also have the feeling that it will never become boring to make love in that more relaxed way that you teach. Again and again we are surprised the new things we are able to feel and experience.
In deep gratitude and love.
Anna & Felix
6. Our bodies started with tantra by themselves
I read both of your books The Heart of Tantric Sex and Tantric Orgasm for Women. Thank God! This year my husband and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary. I will turn 45 in July. I entered this union as a young and innocent girl and I was full of love. Being with him physically fulfilled me most of the time. I loved him! We had a strong mutual sexual attraction, and we slowly developed regarding techniques, positions and closeness.
I was a very emotional woman and in this paragraph I can certainly confirm the ‘emotional’ problems, and in the way that you describe them as well. We built a house, children came and daily routine began. Tensions built up. We argued and later had ‘reconciliation sex’. Afterwards the tensions in body and soul were reduced, but at the same time this strange feeling of discontent remained and began to grow anew. It was like with most plants, if you prune them they grow even stronger. This way our minor problems became major problems. About seven years ago we wanted to separate for the first and last time. It was a separation I wanted even though I loved him. Somehow we managed to reconcile for the hundred thousandth time.
And then the success story of our partnership began. The moment came when I found my inner calm through yoga, meditation and books (also Osho’s books). Yoga taught me ‘to accept myself as I am’, and how to focus my attention in the body. Through meditation I could contain the flood of thoughts that filled my mind. I learned to be more relaxed, tolerant and neutral. And who would have thought it possible, but all my relationships improved, of course also the connection to my partner. Suddenly I recognized a different dimension in his behavior, in what he said, in his opinions etc. Before, he had only been a scapegoat for my emotions – exactly as you describe it!
Then we began to experiment more in bed again. We started to have very slow sex and I don’t remember who instructed whom. It was like in slow motion. For some short moments we would also remain motionless. Afterwards we realized that this had been the most beautiful sex we had ever had! We were more than happy. We were satisfied! An old word has been given a new meaning.
Soon afterwards I went on vacation alone. There I found your first book. I was spellbound. In it I found confirmation that our bodies by themselves had started with tantra. Exactly as you describe it so lovingly in your books! That’s great, isn’t it? I can confirm you and you have confirmed me. Doing it and then reading about it – this is much better than reading about it and then doing it. (Most books come to a person accidentally, your book, Diana, for sure came from heaven.) When I returned from vacation my husband picked me up from the train and we went for dinner and right away I read a few lines from your book out aloud to him.
Ever since then we have been practicing. We are far from reaching a ‘universal melting’. I cannot see bursting shooting stars or the like. But I can report how beautiful our physical union has become for me since then. This is how it is now: If we manage to get away from the conventional in and out movements of sex and be motionless, and I also manage to bring my consciousness from my mind into my body, then after a certain time a pulsation starts in the genitals. It actually feels as if a ‘second heart’ is beating in the abdomen. Currently I feel this pulsation only from the abdomen to the knees. In your book you say that it can spread into the whole body. I have not yet reached this level. Nevertheless already now it is so beautiful and it is very intense and not only quiet. And all this happened without effort, just from motionlessness and relaxation.
Since then my whole approach towards sexuality has changed quickly and so much for the better. Only through the tantric practice am I now able to see solely the good, the natural (yes!), and the sacred in the physical, sexual union. It is given to us by God and we all come from physical union. It deserves highest reverence and loving care. Suddenly a much greater context opens up to me. Yes! Now I can love unconditionally and be a woman. Now I can open up and receive. Now I enjoy sex because it fills me with love and energy.
As we have only been practicing for one year we fall back to the old method now and then. My head and my belly, however, still remember how beautiful slow sex is. How easy it is to start the lovemaking with slow sex and then later stop the movement altogether! Because only from here the pulsation I like so much begins.
I just finished your second book Tantric Orgasm for Women and I will give it to my daughter (21) for a special occasion. I wish with all my heart that she is able to free herself again from the compulsive conditioning (that I taught her).
There is one more thing I want to say. I also read other books about tantra. Most of them are full of techniques and medical explanations. Diana, you wrote an anthem to the soul! And you gave our confused minds easily digestible food. My favorite books are those where I feel that I could have written them myself. I could indeed have written some chapters. With the others I let myself be guided by you in full trust. Please accept my cordial thanks. For your books, the openness, and your courageous work! In deep solidarity,
I am so delighted that you have taken the time to write to me and share so beautifully your experiences and profound insights. Thank you very much. I find it truly wonderful that everything evolved through your own inner exploration, and without any goal, and confirmation of your experience arriving only later. In my experience, like yours, tantric communication is a natural language when we are simple, conscious and aware in the body. And in this sense every human being is born tantric, with the inbuilt capacity to be aware and blissful in sex. Thank you for your being. My heart is with you.
7. Transformative aspect of this form of lovemaking
Your books have been truly a blessing and I simply can’t put into words what a difference they have made in our lives and our relationship. We both noticed the difference the moment we started putting into practice your teaching and have begun to experience the transformative aspect of this form of lovemaking versus conventional sex.
Our roots are in this part of the world, specifically Central America and the Caribbean where women are still very much oppressed by a culture where machismo rules. There is so much that I would like to share with you and get to meet you personally or even better, attend one of your retreats. For the time being, just know that you definitely are making a difference.
8. The heavenly effect of relaxing my vagina
Thank you for your book, The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment. It has truly changed my life. The companion book written with your husband, Michael, Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation, is as good, if not better. I gave it to my lover after I read it. I think I enjoyed the men’s book so much because I felt like I was being sneaky and peeking in on some of the secrets of male sexuality! I even felt a bit aroused!
There is a concept in your book that in all my life I have never known about, heard about, nor ever tried. It involves relaxing your entire pelvic floor, especially while making love. As women, we are used to tensing up the vaginal walls during intercourse because we think it makes it more exciting for the man to have more friction (and because it helps us to orgasm). And if we relax, we think we will feel too wide or loose for the man. I wasn’t sure that I could manage to do it.
But I tried it. And Lord have mercy! It is the most heavenly thing I have ever experienced. It sounds simple, but it isn’t. It is something I have to consciously stay focused on so I don’t revert to my old habits. I was going to try to describe the difference it makes for me while making love (and what my lover tells me happens to him), but I cannot put it into words. It is something you have to experience for yourself. But what happens is the vagina becomes so open and receptive and welcoming when you relax the pelvic floor that it gives the man a wonderful feeling of being fully accepted. And when you do this while making love, the woman starts to draw the man up inside her like a magnet. And when the man relaxes his pelvic floor, he is able to feel the sensations throughout the entire length of his penis. The penis stays erect, but soft enough to snake around and conform to the vagina. It almost seems to grow in length.
And when you are still, you can truly, truly feel the electricity passing between you and your lover. It just pulsates. There is no need for movement at times. And you go into somewhat of a trancelike state where you just stay in the moment and feel. If you start to think of something other than the here and now, you direct yourself immediately back to the present. And the juices just flow! In the past, if I had tried to have intercourse for two hours straight, well, it just wouldn’t have been able to happen. I would have been dry and raw and so sex would be over. But I stayed extremely wet and welcoming and it had a profound effect on his penis. I’m pretty sure this is the first time my lover has ever stayed erect (in varying degrees) for that long of a time and without getting tired or feeling pressured.
There are so many aspects of this – the healing aspect, the energy aspect, and it’s all so incredibly relaxing and magical and mystical and yet thrilling at the same time. Yes, lots of mumbo jumbo, but it is there and you can’t deny it.
And one of the other great things (I believe it is from both the books and also from the separate book Tantric Love – Feeling vs Emotion) I took away was discovering the distinction between emotions and feelings, and what to do when you have emotions well up inside you that normally would/could turn into something not so pretty. When this happened, I did what you suggested and said, “I am emotional” and took responsibility right away, right then. Not later. I experienced how instead, when you do so right away, you are accepting all of the feelings as your own and not blaming your partner for the way you feel. These insights of yours really, really helped me last week. We were beginning to make love, but I couldn’t stop feeling guilty for the sacrifices he makes to see me every week. And instead of just holding it all in and letting it make me feel sad and perhaps projecting it onto him, I just said it out loud and it felt so good. I was able to cry, get it out of my system, while he was able to tell me why I should not feel guilty, and then we moved past it and made wonderful love.
So, two wonderful books and there is also much gratitude in my heart for Marnia Robinson, author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow on whose Internet forum I found your book information, because otherwise, I would never have had this life-changing experience. Blessings to all!
9. The most valuable help in my over 80 years of life
It is not easy for me to write about the things we heard and learned from you and Michael during the week. You already know that it took me quite some persuasion to agree when my wife suggested that we do the course with you. But I can honestly say that already during the course itself, and later even more so, I have come to be convinced that this course is among the most valuable help I have ever received in my life. And I have received a lot of help in my more than 80 years of life.
What has happened to me in the almost 12 months after meeting you? We told you about our golden wedding anniversary that took place soon after the course. It truly was a spiritual and emotional highlight. Preparing for it through participating in your course, our relationship was strengthened. Since then we have been able to deepen it further. We often spend time together; we ignore supposedly very important work and afterwards we feel much more refreshed and motivated to continue working. Alternating weekly, one of us is in charge of deciding about when to meet and how to meet, and what elements to include. When the motivation is high enough a semi-hard erection is possible and works for soft penetration (which we practice most of the time). We spend up to one and a half hours together. Most of the time I nap for a short while. Then we again trace the inner circulation of energy with the breath. This creates a very soothing and peaceful atmosphere. Also our general condition is very good. There are fewer headaches, less tension, more feeling of warmth, circulation etc. When I am away on long walking tours then we still have a fixed time for long distance daily contact, meaning that individually we lie down and each tries to connect the rhythm of the breath with the imagination of closeness and intimacy.
Love, Thomas (82 years)
Now it is my turn to describe how ‘things’ have been for me. Firstly, I want to sincerely thank both for all the good that Thomas and I were allowed to receive through you. As you know, first there was the book The Heart of Tantric Sex that encouraged us to participate in your seminar in 2005. The book alone had already changed many things. And then of course the seminar, our so-called honeymoon before our golden wedding anniversary. To get to the point: Our sexuality has become calm, relaxed and very joyful. We were given an incredible deepening and enrichment – imagine, at our age! This has a very positive effect on our everyday life.
Now I have also read your book Tantric Orgasm for Women with great interest and again I gained a lot from it. I will try to explain my questions, problems or difficulties to you. First there is the issue with presence. I have to bring myself back to the here and now again and again and I notice that I feel the energy flow very well when we are both fully present. It also happens, though, that Thomas falls asleep and I am suddenly fully present and feel like taking off. This is the case in the scissors side position that we use most of the time because of the softer erection.
As the erection is weak most of the time, I have difficulties to put the penis really inside me, so then the penis is just before the real doorway. Nevertheless, the meetings are pleasant for both of us. Does that mean that the energy is flowing even like this? Then I imagine how the penis grows and how it penetrates me very deeply. This also gives me a very good feeling. For both of us I wished it were true. Now I also feel my vagina very well and my breasts begin to live. How beautiful. The difficulties with the soft penetration are for sure also due to my uterine prolapse. It does not need surgery but it would be better if I had three hands. Even though we are still very flexible it is hardly possible to maintain the genital contact with a soft erection while changing positions. Of course, just a change helps to stay present, even if we lose the contact and have to put the penis in the vagina again. Thanks to the ‘new’ relationship with Thomas I am of course in a very good mood. May this be an insight into our joys and difficulties.
Love, Manuela (78 years)
Dear Manuela and Thomas,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write and share your experiences. You are a rare couple having the insight to begin a sexual exploration at this stage of life. Through your great steps you are giving the rest of us tremendous encouragement by showing us what is possible, for which we thank you. Certainly what you are experiencing bears testament to the fact that sex does not need to fade out in the later years, as is very common. And also it is wonderful to hear that you are discovering that sexual communion is generating more love and vitality and happiness, as individuals and as a couple.
As you have observed, presence is a key, and on some days it will be better than other days. What to do? That is why it is recommended to do something physical or active before you make love, such as short dance or some quick exercises, and energize yourselves as individuals. When the body is inwardly alive it is much easier to hold the awareness in the body, rather than drift off into thought or sleep. When one person is more present than the other, then you can use your presence to draw the other into the situation. Or if one person falls asleep it is no big deal either because your own inner world of sensitivity and delight will usually continue.
To answer your question, yes, the energy will flow, even when the contact between penis and vagina is slight. Using your imagination is a very good tool to deepen this connection, just as you are doing, and I am pleased to hear that you feel its satisfying effect. It is understandable that you would both prefer a stronger erection, but for sure it is better just to relax into a simple acceptance of ‘what is’. With this supportive attitude energy is free to flow where and how it wants. When there is a tension with ‘what is’, as in if there is a weak erection, then inwardly there is a deep disconnection from the experience. It becomes like an inner fight that makes the body tense and unreceptive.
You may well find that after a time erection per se will lose its significance. In many ways the emphasis on erection is because of the conventional hot sex approach, and the sexual imprints we receive. In reality erection does not really matter. You will forget about it! Certainly this is what happened to me because of the possibility of entering without erection, or soft penetration. I just lost the ‘idea’ of erection; the thought did not cross my mind anymore. When erection was there it was there, when it was not there, it was not there. There was no longer any evaluation. But this shift happened with time and I am sure that with continued practice the same will happen for you.
What you certainly can do is to bring your breasts (as woman) increasingly into the picture, resting more with your awareness in the breasts and nipples than in the vagina. Doing this will expand your body energy and also cause a resonance in the vagina, making her more receptive and vital. In this way you can contribute to the general atmosphere, rather than thinking about erection. In the same way a man brings his awareness to the base of his penis – the perineum area.
What is helpful before you make love is to lie down together, separate and side-by-side, for ten to twenty minutes. You bring attention to your breasts/nipples, and Thomas brings his attention to his perineum. Doing this is a very good preparation because it will begin to polarize your energies in relation to each other.
I really like the way you have decided to take alternate weeks to be ‘in charge’ – it really makes life so simple and relaxing. I have tried that too. It saves a lot of discussion about what to do, when and how. And to enjoy/value both experiences – one of having the responsibility to decide/choose, and the other experience of accepting/surrendering to someone else’s decisions/choices. Both are equally important.
I deeply appreciate you both for your intelligent, courageous and curious hearts. Best wishes for each and every day.
10. Learned and experienced things that saved our love
In March 2008 my husband and I were in the Making Love Retreat and there we learned and experienced things that have saved our love. Even though before we did not feel that our love was threatened. Looking back now, however, knowing about the tremendous difference, I see how desperate our sex had been. How unloving we had been and how much we had searched for each other. I am sure that our love would have died and also our relationship would have broken up eventually.
After one week of making love in a more conscious way it was as if the fog between us had cleared, and full of surprise, I realized that my husband was standing in front of me, looking at me tenderly. Before I had not been able to see him any more.
In the first three months I was sometimes a little bit afraid that we could fall back into our old program, lose ourselves again. But that cannot happen. If we are only the least bit aware we notice what is good for us and what is not.
For sure you receive a lot of letters like this from grateful couples and they probably all write the same things. For sure every one says: You have changed my life. You have saved my love! All the same, risking that you will hear this for the hundredth time, I want to tell you some things that changed so much by our making love:
- I am always ready to make love; more often even than my husband.
- I love to be allowed to be passive; it is so pleasurable for me to surrender to him completely. Before my husband took my passiveness as indifference and was hurt. Now he loves it as much as I do and sometimes he even corrects me a bit when I become too ‘active’. This way I also learned to accept him as he is. No matter if he is passionate and hot or calm and motionless I love to receive him, to be there for him, without reining him or making him small or giving him guilty feelings.
- I have never again had any inflammation of the vagina. Before I had it with wearying regularity every two or three months.
- I still do not experience peak orgasms but sometimes I have small, extremely unexpected orgasms, sometimes happening out of complete calmness, that feel as if a few cells explode in my genitals.
- And sometimes I feel as if suddenly an enormous space opens in me as if stepping into a cathedral. I suppose this is what you describe in your books as valley orgasms.
- Making love connects us anew again and again. When we make love in the evening we would love to stay awake the whole night and cuddle.
11. Old pains in the vagina dissolved within two weeks
My wish to come to your retreat with a partner was realized this year in June when I came with my new boyfriend. It was a beautiful week, from the content, from the ambience and from the deep relaxation we experienced. Until then for years I always had pains in the vagina when I made love to a man. Suddenly I would cry out because it hurt me so much. My gynecologist explained to me that a muscle in the vagina is tense. There was nothing to do about it. This pain caused me to lose my joy of sex.
In the week in June during the seminar with you two times the tears were running down heavily while making love. Old pains were melting. The pain in the vagina dissolved within two weeks after the seminar. First it was weaker, and then it was suddenly gone. What a relief!
I also have had images and been in heavenly worlds where I was shown by heavenly beings what and how the divine essence of life is. It is not easy to put in words. This vision of ‘divine essence of life’ or ‘nectar of life’ had an explicit color and consistency that is difficult to describe – namely off-white to beige, a nebular fluent aura. In the vision it was flowing out of a spring and was dividing into two streams. In the meantime, I have several times recognized a light flowing off this cream/off-white aura during lovemaking. It only emerges after one and a half or two hours of lovemaking and I guess it is identical with the orgasmic energy.
For my boyfriend and me lovemaking has become something very important. Even though I’m much more connected with your impulses than he is. But it doesn’t matter, even if he doesn’t want to practice, we still find ourselves on a level that nourishes us and makes us very happy. I bow to this energy. Isn’t it wonderful that I am over fifty years old and I have never in my life felt so much as woman, and lovemaking has never been as fulfilling as it is now.
Thank you very much for your loving gratitude and for your beautiful and profound sharing. What a blessing that you have found a way to enjoy making love again. Especially impressive is how quickly the pains in the vagina disappeared. It is a joy and encouragement to hear of personal experiences after the workshop, and how a simple more conscious body approach is healing and creates many qualitative shifts in a person’s life. I am touched by your receptivity and sincerity, and for allowing my words and way into your being. And for the fertile soil that you prepared for these seeds through your many years of personal exploration.
Wishing you the joy of love each day.
12. A refinement on all levels
The seven days with you and Michael were a refinement on all levels. We spent a few days in Berlin afterwards. We retreated to our hotel suite to make love several times a day. This had the effect that we moved through the big city in a much more centered and relaxed way than usual.
Back at home we bought the book The Heart of Tantric Sex which now inspires us almost every day, answers questions and resolves smaller misunderstandings. Our making love has become slower, more energetic, less ‘sportive’ (smile). Even though I did not have physical problems with the conventional style I often felt ‘energetic-emotional’ disharmony before, during and after sex. This also caused these ‘strange moods’. Since we are now making love more slowly and more consciously, I definitely feel inwardly more balanced. More and more often I find myself in a relaxed, flowing and at the same time powerful state that I have always been looking for but not been able to find somewhere else that easily and naturally. My partner and I are connected more deeply and softly in the heart while on the level of our personalities there is more space between us and this again reduces the emotions.
This is our short feedback four weeks after the retreat. In any case we will continue this joyful research and we again deeply thank you for your absolutely essential inspiration!
Love, Martina & David
Dear Martina & David,
Thank you for your beautiful message and sharing your experiences and insights since the week we spent together. It is truly moving to hear how you have taken the tantric message deeply into your hearts and feel so many empowering and uplifting effects. Wishing you both a loving and wonderful summer.
13. Awakening of my breasts and connecting to the earth
Especially these days I have been thinking of you very often because I started to do something that you recommend for all women – to meditate regularly on their breasts. I never realized how important this was, even though you say it time and again. I have been using your and Michael’s guided meditation MaLua Light Meditation for Women on the breasts to support me – and now finally (I am so happy!) I can feel the energy flowing very softly through my body and also down into my legs. I almost started crying when I felt it for the very first time! It was my heart’s wish to feel my legs, to root myself in the earth, to really be able to ‘stand’ and tell my truth in an authentic way with integrity. And I know deep inside: now I can heal, now my nervous system will be balanced. I always had these trembling legs (like after a shock) when I felt that now I would have to speak and tell my truth. I can feel so much energy and power in my body and I urgently need to be grounded well. Now this starts to become reality in my life. I am so glad and grateful that I had and have you as my teacher. May you and your work be always blessed with love and grace.
14. Sexual healing for my arthritis
“It is arthritis!” That was the doctor’s diagnosis a few years ago when he examined my aching finger joints. Something inside of me strongly refused to accept this final diagnosis. I asked myself: This may be the diagnosis but what is the cause? In the numerous courses I attended in Polarity, Focusing, Trauma, Rhythmic etc. I had learned to consciously focus on the inside. I understood the interplay of introjection and projection. The more I focused on my inside the more I was able to trust myself, my being, and my abilities grew. I felt the difference between being in love and love. The heart connection to my partner became stronger.
Despite all this knowledge and extensive experience I became more and more distant from my long-term life partner – physically and therefore often in all areas. A slow process began. It seemed to be a paradox. I felt a deep love for him and the very intimate wish for connection and still my vagina became drier, sore and tighter. Lubricants did not help.
Is this part of the menopause? But then, why do some women have a fulfilling sexuality up until old age? It had to be my fault! I could still have an orgasm with oral stimulation but a big part of my being felt neglected and after such meetings I felt empty, often isolated and sad. This could not be it. I knew that there had to be ‘more’. Our physical encounters and contacts happened less and less frequently. We have so many things in common. I feel his love – but what’s the matter with me or us? Why does my sensuality fall by the wayside so much? We were often on an emotional roller coaster; we even got to speak about separation.
Then one day I had lunch with a friend of mine. She mentioned this wonderful Making Love Retreat week in Switzerland. It had been one of the most beautiful holidays she had ever spent with her husband! I started to listen attentively and asked for the address. This could be the rescue measure we needed! When she is so happy about it and shines so much it has to be a long-lasting seminar. First my husband was resistant to follow my wish but after several talks his attitude luckily changed from skepticism to acceptance. I had learned to deal with the pain in my fingers. When I protect my borders (physical and psychological) and take good care of myself my fingers feel healthy even with their deformation.
I learned in your tantra seminar that my so-far conditioned sexuality is very closely connected to these borders. It happened during the second afternoon. We were in our bedroom lying next to each other in a meditative way without any expectations. We were like two beginners, trying what had been suggested to them. I felt the warmth of his soft penis in front of my vagina. The warmth increased and suddenly a current of energy ‘shot’ through my body from head to toe. Above all the energy of my heart and my whole torso widened, my arms and hands pulsated as if connected to an electricity grid. Tears of joy and gratitude ran down my face. We managed a soft penetration and I had two wonderful hours in an indescribably pleasing connection with myself, with him and with everything that is. The energy became calmer and streamed evenly upwards. I felt the circulation between us and it was wonderful when my partner said that something was drawing his penis upward, deeper into the vagina. I had exactly the same sensation. It was very soft, very tender and very exhilarating. This is healing. Sexuality that connects me to something greater, that nourishes me and makes me come to life.
I felt intensely that there is a connection between the painful fingers and my former sexuality, as well as different forms of violence, emotion and abuse. (Rheumatism is also said to be a result of pent-up fire energy and sexuality is our life fire.)
The setting of the tantra week is unique and profound. I would experience, understand or get a sense of something, and then the very next day your explanations in the sharing’s and theory part always confirmed my own notions. Thank you very much for this sensitive teaching and your loving support. We gained from your incredible presence, respect and the good pinch of humor. To see you as a couple and as tantra teachers gives a big healing impulse.
My partner at one point was very challenged by his boundaries and his old wounds. He became desperate and even considered leaving the retreat. It was too much for him. Then, the same night, we did the exercise to relax the solar plexus. I had only just touched my partner and already his tears started to flow and he felt the painful parts getting softer and more integrated again. For him this was the ‘key to be able to continue’. When I asked him after the seminar if he would do it again he answered with a heartfelt yes, and we immediately registered for the next year!
Moving from overwhelming sensations (be it drumming or dancing for example) towards very fine and slow rhythms is often a completely new challenge for me. The world screams so loud that I am put off my stride. With the help of tantra this disturbance is happening less frequently because both poles are satisfied in a wonderful way. The conscious, tender and aimless way of being together is soul food and much more than the intensity we have had so far.
Often our being together also triggers ‘healing pains’ in the way you explain it. It is as if the issues (partly familiar) in the deepest layers of the cells come up (once again) and then leave forever. One day in particular when we were making love, I felt a tightening in me and in my vagina, and informed my partner that I was contacting sadness but did not know why or what it was. I asked him to stay were he was, if possible, and to pull back the penis a few millimeters (as you suggested), and to stay there inside me with awareness. My tears were flowing and then I thought I felt impatience arising in him. Understandable as we were still only able to do soft penetration and he had told me that he also would like to feel a full erection inside of me. Full of fear I asked: “Are you getting impatient?” and then suddenly the whole issue became visible. He said: “No, it is not impatience, right now I cannot tell what it is, it rather feels like helplessness regarding the situation.” Then the whole pain flowed out of me. I was allowed to show all my sadness, fear and pain – what a liberating process. Both of us felt how the vagina became soft and relaxed. The energy moved and the connection got pleasurable. My beloved was still shining the next day and he said: “I did not have an orgasm, my penis was not fully erect and nevertheless I got a boost of energy like never before. Unbelievable!” The most beautiful feedback for me!
For me and increasingly also for my partner this respectful, present lovemaking is much more fulfilling than everything I or we have experienced before. Our partnership is revitalized through a new closeness, an openness and depth that we did not even experience in earlier times of strongly being in love. Our gratitude is immeasurable.
15. Sex with no excitement is deeper than any excitement
I want to send you a deep, deep thank you for all the doors you opened, for the wonderful impulses and hints you have given me on my path of making love. I have such a wonderful time in making love (and far beyond, all the way into everyday life and work) with my girlfriend, we are touched and so happy about what is possible to experience without any excitement. We enjoy to the fullest. Not so easy to describe and still I am sure you understand anyway. Today we made love and for me it was the very first time without any excitement, zero, zilch. Even though you say that sex without excitement is possible, I did not think that it could really be that way, and yet the experience went deeper than any excitement ever could take me.
Amazing! So I continue again and again to harvest the fruits your words planted in my being. And I am very, very grateful!
It is indeed a great shift when you have the awesome experience that there is a level of sexual exchange that is beyond excitement. Not against excitement but beyond it! Your experiencing this level of reality is truly a mark of your sincerity, staying on track over the years, listening, learning, and practicing. And so my appreciation and thanks are due to you too!